The Flagrancy

Dubious Raptor Moment #13

November 2002: Vince Carter Rehabs Knee at Nelly Concert

Hindsight is a bitch.  You don't have it when you need it, and when you get it, it's too late.   Such is the case of Vince Carter at the Nelly concert.  Early in the 2002-2003 season, Carter was supposed to be at home rehabilitating his surgically repaired knee, when he popped up on stage with Nelly, dancing during the rapper's concert in Toronto.   Meanwhile, the undermanned Raptors were getting blown out in Atlanta by the Hawks.

To this point, sentiment was growing that Carter did not have the heart or desire to lead his team (he was a captain, after all) to the playoffs.   And there were hints—like Carter joking with Kobe Bryant after a loss to the Lakers, and asking Michael Jordan for his phone number during a game against the Bulls—but these events were more curious than conclusive.   For many, however, the Nelly episode finally congealed these random clues into a clear and obvious conclusion: Carter was far more interested in the rewards of NBA stardom, than the responsibilities that came with it.

When finally faced with this assessment, Carter responded to his critics: "Who cares?   If they're not talking about me, that means they forgot about me.  It was a concert.  I went there to enjoy it just like anybody else.   I'm a grown man.  They don't pay my bills.  They don't make decisions for me."

Well VC, at the time, I did care.  And as much as I try to forget, I can't.   You were not like anybody else, and you were certainly not a grown man.  You were a teet-suckling momma's boy who basked in the unearned glow of being appointed the Air Apparent for far too long.   Can you imagine for a second Michael Jordan jumping on stage during the Bull's 72-win season and doing the running man with Color Me Badd?  And sure, you absolutely had the freedom to make your own decisions, but couldn't you have rehabbed your knee like anyone else in the NBA: by staying home, playing XBOX, and smoking weed?   And while I did not pay your bills, the money I spent on Raptor tickets and Carter merchandise eventually made its way into your pockets.  But you should know that my #15 jersey now has a new name embroidered into the back: FRAUD.

Fuck that felt good.

Dubious Raptor Moment #14

April 1996: Brendan Malone "Steps Down" Because of "Philosophical Differences"
We've kept mum about this until now but The Flagrancy officially declares Brendan Malone the best coach in Raptor franchise history.  How does a coach who goes 21-61 be the best in team history?  By playing every game to win, by turning a team of castoffs into giant-killers, and by making the team the very embodiment of his never-say-die attitude.  Malone wrenched more effort out of this team than any other Raptor coach since.  It was a great record for an expansion team and the fans filled the SkyDome because the Raptors had the potential to beat anybody (as division champion Orlando Magic, Seattle Supersonics and World Champion Chicago Bulls found out).

Dare to question our assertion?  What's the first thing that comes to mind when I throw out the names of other Raptor head coaches?

Lenny Wilkens = ZZZZZZZ
Kevin O'Neill = The worst offence is a good defence
Darrel Walker = Championship-level coach (wait, that's what Byron Scott thinks)
Butch Carter = Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!
Sam Mitchell = He has some very nice suits

Of course the other big reason to love Brendan Malone was that he actually stood up to Isiah Thomas.  Thomas complained about over-playing the starters.  He complained that the team might actually win too much and cost the team a high draft pick (oh, the irony).  He planted stories in the media about Malone purposely throwing a game (a 40-point loss to Orlando) by playing the rookies too much to prove a point to the GM.  Malone responded by using only 6 players two nights later in pushing the Los Angeles Lakers until the final minute.

At the end of that first season Isiah announced that Malone was "stepping down" because of "philosophical differences."  Unfortunately, Malone was too interested in winning. <sigh>

Dubious Raptor Moment #15

August 1999: Raptors re-sign Michael “Yogi” Stewart

"After losing John Wallace to the Knicks, we had to step up to secure our talented young big players"

- Glen Grunwald, on signing Stewart for 6-years, $24M

No Raptor broadcast from 1998 to 2002 was complete without the obligatory shot panning down the Raptor bench, ending at a yawning Yogi Stewart itching his balls through the crotch of an expensive suit.  The player was a lightening rod for fan frustration, a posterboy for the danger of awarding long-term contracts, and a constant source of embarrassment for Glen Grunwald.  Each time a bespeckled Yogi Stewart popped up from the bench during a Raptor timeout must have felt like a new herpes sore for Grunwald—a constant reminder of a terrible lapse in judgement (no offence Mo!)

Believe it or not, but there was a time when GMs actually wanted Yogi Stewart on their teams.  Despite not being drafted, Stewart made the Sacramento Kings in 1998 and showed signs that he could be a quality defensive power forward, starting 31 games and averaging 2.41 blocks.  When he became a free agent at the end of his rookie year, Stewart received a number of offers but signed a 1-year $1M contract with the Raptors.  However, once the young big man arrived in Toronto, he proved to be a flash-in-the pan, averaging 0.67 blocks over 9.4 minutes of playing time per game.  Good thing Grunwald only committed to a 1-year deal, right?  Wrong suckers!  The only reason Stewart signed with the Raptors in the first place was that Grunwald had a Joe Smith-style gentleman’s agreement in place, promising Stewart a longer, more lucrative contract the following season when the team had salary cap space.  And what a goddamn regal gentleman Grunwald turned out to be!  Petrified that the Raptors would lose credibility throughout the league by backing out of a wink-wink deal, Grunwald overpayed Yogi to the tune of 6-years, 24$M.  Because the best way for a franchise to earn respect is by overpaying a player based on potential, after their lack of talent has been exposed.

The final humiliation came when Grunwald finally dealt Stewart to the Cavaliers.  By trading for Stewart, the Cleveland media felt it had conclusive proof that the team intended to finish with the worst record in the NBA, hoping to land the #1 pick and Lebron James.

And don’t get me fucking started on John Wallace.

Dubious Raptor Moment #16

December 2nd, 2005: Toronto Raptors vs Atlanta Hawks
At the time this game was played the Raptors had a 1-15 records while the Hawks were 2-12.  According to the Elias Sports Bureau the combined .100 winning percentage of both teams was the worst is NBA history for opponents who had totalled at least 30 games.  Better yet, ESPN announced that it was the worst match-up of all-time.  For fans of the Toronto Raptors it was the moment when we realized that we were now cheering for a franchise that had become a running joke.

This knowledge had been creeping up on Raptor fans for a while but getting lumped in with a team as dysfunctional as the Hawks (owners suing each other, 10 small forwards on roster, Tyronne Lue as starting point guard) was really a shock to the system.  Suddenly we realized we were cheering for a team as bad as the Atlanta Hawks.  It wasn't just the won-loss record but the fact that people everywhere were noticing just how bad the Raptor franchise was.  It was Atlanta Hawk bad.  Worse yet, at least people in Atlanta are smart enough not to pay money to attend Hawk games.

This was as low as a franchise could get and there were only two ways up.  They could continue to be stupendously inept, enter into Smiling Retarded Child Territory where everybody expects incompetence, and snatch the "lovable loser" title away from the Clippers.  And it looked like that might be the way things would turn out after the Raptors blew a 10-point 4th quarter lead against the Hawks that night.  But the other method could be to clear house and commit to a winning system both on the court and in management.  Fortunately the choice was made when promising rookie Charlie Villanueva -- representing the franchise's youth, vision and future -- drove for the winning hoop with 2.5 seconds left.

The Raptors would go on to a successful month of December, would fire Rob Babcock in January, clear cap space and hire a young dynamic GM who had already experienced success in the NBA.  Raptor fans rejoice, the franchise is ascendant!

Charlie Villanueva was traded 6 months later.

Dubious Raptor Moment #17

July 2002: Raptors lose NateGate

Sometimes, you have to just take your lumps.  Whether it’s firing an underperforming coach with years left on his deal, trading away a disgruntled player for half of his true value, or paying off a convenience store clerk after you crash your luxury SUV into his car while drunk and masterbating.  Sunk costs are sunk; you make a mistake in the NBA, you pay for the consequences. 

In 2002, Glen Grunwald tried to challenge this maxim after he made the mistake of signing Nate Huffman.  Envisioned to be the teams backup center, Grunwald signed the 7-foot-1 Maccabi Tel Aviv star of  to a 3-year-$5.2M contract.  Huffman arrived in Toronto and promptly injured his knee during a pre-season scrimmage, putting the centre out for months with surgery.  Furious that Huffman was (a) terrible when he was “healthy” and (b) seemingly damaged goods, the humiliated Grunwald tried to save face by terminating Huffman’s contract, claiming the player hid a prior knee injury.  Huffman in turn sued for the remaining $2.56M on his contract, and the Raptors—staying true to form—lost.

But seriously, what the hell was Grunwald thinking?  Huffman is one signature away from his first NBA contract, and the Raptor GM expects the career journeyman to volunteer the fact that his knee might feel kinda wonky?  Isn’t Grunwald a goddamn lawyer?  The last I checked NBA teams actually employ a medical staff and require free agents to pass physical examinations.  Maybe Grunwald was convinced that since Huffman had the NBA logo tattooed on his shoulder, he must be ready for big time and waived the exam—even if the poorman's Kornel David was inked while playing for the CBA’s Idaho Stampede.

Well good luck in New York Glen, I’m just glad that we now have someone like Bryan Colangelo in charge. who won’t make the same mistake.

Dubious Flagrancy Moment #3768

October 2006: Flagrancy List of Dubious Raptor Moments Goes on Hiatus for Extra-Long Thanksgiving Weekend
Come back on Tuesday when the gripping saga continues!

Dubious Raptor Moment #18

August 2000: McGreedy McGone

Deer Diary,
The traid has finaly gone thru...  whew!  It wuz a tuff year having to preetend that Toronoto had a chanse to sign me when they wur never really an opshun.  It wuz hard deeling with all those fans who went out of their way to show me their love and encooraj me to stay.  I could barely look them in the eye.  ha ha ha, it's always tuff for me to look peeple in the eye.  ha ha ha.

But no matter how much mony or love they can throw at me it duznt make up for the chanse to be "da man."  Yes, I will be "da man" in Orlando.  I wont be in Vince's shado no more.  Heck, with $20 million dollars tide up in my money and Grant Hill money Orlando cant aford to have nobody else to be "da man."

I know what your thinking Diary, why would I be "da man" when the team also has Grant Hill?  Well, uh, I dont really know but we should be a real good team.  He can pass me the ball and then I can dunk it.  That will make me "da man."  Anyway, Grant is coming off some surjury so I get the chanse to be "da man" and then when Grant gets back in to playing shape (I guess by mid-season) I will alredy be "da man."

Yes, I'll be "da man."  And with a major market like Orlando I'll have tons of money coming my way from commershals and shit.  Like me and Mickey Mouse in a cartoon or sumptin.  There is no way this can go rong.  And so what if it does?  I can just get my coach fired, bitch out my teemates, and force a trade where Orlando gets 50 cents on the dollar.  That's the backup plan I've got.  Got to remind myself to thank my cuz for it.

Luv,
Tracy

Dubious Raptor Moment #19

August 2001: Raptors sign Hakeem Olajuwon
In a rare exhibition of mercy, The Flagrancy will not include Glen Grunwald’s 2001 Summer Spending Spree in its Dubious Moments list.  At the time, everyone expected the team to overpay for its own free agents, and still, no one expected Grunwald to pull it off.  He did, and consequences be damned, will be given a free pass.  Well, almost.

The one damnable sin we can not excuse is the signing of Hakeem Olajuwon.  No doubt carried away by the team’s dinosaur roots, Grunwald signed the 38-year old to a 3-year $17.4M contract.  Envisioned to be the final piece in a Raptor Championship puzzle, it didn’t take long for The Dream to become a salary cap nightmare—or, as classified by Toronto paleontologists, a CapaSaurus Rex.

Olajuwon arrived to training camp reeking of fromaldehide.  It turns out that while the Raptor medical staff may have thoroughly examined the nagging blood clot in Olajuwon’s leg, they did not bother to check his expiration date.  Or his spine.  Olajuwon suffered a lower-back injury early in the season, spent much of his time on the injured list, and at the end of the year, retired.

Or did he?  Now where I’m from, retiring means you stop going to work, and you stop getting paid.  Not in the NBA, and definitely not in the case of Olajuwon.  The NBA legend would “unofficially” retire, meaning, he would still receive his salary, and that salary would continue to count against the Raptor salary cap. Until, that is, Olajuwon submitted an official written retirement statement to the league.

But for Raptor fans, the real dubious moment occurred in Houston in 2002, when the Houston Rockets retired Olajuwon’s number.  The rub lay in the fact that the game was against the Raptors, and that Olajuwon was still officially a member of the team.  Imagine the humiliation felt by Glen Grunwald as he watched Olajuwon raise #34 to the rafters of the Toyota Center while getting paid $4.5M per year by Toronto.  I’m surprised Grunwald didn’t walk out to half-court, throw a Raptor jersey over Olajuwon’s three piece suit, and wish him luck in the second half.  You or your creaky vertebrae want out of the game?  Wake up Lenny Wilkens, and sign the goddamn retirement letter I left in his hand.

Instead, Grunwald chose the high road.  And in 2004, Olajuwon officially retired—by faxing in his statement, written on a $17M dollar bill.

Dubious Raptor Moment #20

October 1998: John Wallace Speaks Out on NBA Lockout
The NBA Players Union must be thanking Christ that the NHL Players Association exists so that no one will remember just how badly the owners bitch-slapped them during the 1998/1999 lockout.  The NBA players agreed to tighter salary cap rules, maximum salaries, and maximum contract lengths.  Not exactly the definition of success considering the players were hoping for more money and no salary cap.

In my mind the lockout was over the moment Toronto Raptor John Wallace was forced to defend the players' position for more money on TSN's "Off The Record."  The reason why John Wallace needed more money?

"You'd be surprised how quickly you can spend 4 million dollars."

Not only would this declaration go a long way toward alienating the common fan but also provide the only moment in history where a 6 foot 8, 230 pound black man looked sheepish while be berated by a professional curler.

But John Wallace's real problem wasn't that he had spent $4 million quicker than he had expected, it was that he had only made $1 million in 1998.

Dubious Raptor Moment #21

April 1996: Darrell Walker clashes with Tracy McGrady
"Darrell knows how to win and he knows how to prepare this team to play at a championship level"
– Byron Scott on the hiring of Walker as Hornets assistant coach (21/07/04)

“Bryon Scott is out of his fucking mind”
–The Blue Baller, on Byron Scott on the hiring of Walker as Hornets assistant coach (02/10/06)

The 1996-97 season proved to be a critical point in the careers of two young Raptors: Tracy McGrady, the promising 18-year old high-school draft pick, and coach Darrell Walker, the 2nd youngest coach in the league.  The magical mentor-pupil relationship the front-office envisioned between the two quickly turned into a one-sided flogging, as Walker publicly scolded the youngster’s work ethic, claiming McGrady was “too cool” to work hard and would be out of the league in three years.  Let’s take a look at what happened next…

10 years later, the only thing lazy about Tracy McGrady is his left eye; the superstar swingman has won the NBA scoring title twice, been voted an NBA All-Star 6-times, and been selected All-NBA 5-times.  He just turned 27 years old.

Walker, as fate would have it, was the one out of NBA head coaching in two years.  Isiah Thomas’ then hand-puppet would leave the Raptors with a 41-90 record, go on to coach the CBA’s Rockford Lightning to a 13-17 record, and then coach the Washington Wizards to a 15-23 record.  After his stint with the Wizards, Walker became Michael Jordan’s new hand puppet, joining the team’s front office.  It is at this point where Darrell Walker truly made his mark on NBA history: as the first person ever to be called down to coach a team.  In 2000, the now Director of Player Personnel joined the Wizard’s WNBA sister team, the Washington Mystics, as interim head coach.  He finished the season with a 14-18 record.