The Flagrancy

Dubious Raptor Moment #3

April 2000: Butch Carter Self-Destructs
“Though this be madness, yet there is method in ‘t.”  (Hamlet Act II, Scene II)

Insanity is a helluva thing.  While you may expect that it lurks in the mind of a man, you can never tell until pressure is applied.  Like the pressure of coaching an NBA team in its first playoff appearance. 

Competing in the 2000 NBA playoffs should have been a crowning achievement for Butch Carter.  After all, the young coach took the reigns of a 16-win team and in two short seasons finished with a 45-37 record and a playoff berth.  However, the pressure of this larger stage clearly overwhelmed Carter, who subsequently acted out in a sequence of increasingly bizarre ways.  When the dust settled, the Raptors found themselves swept out of the playoffs, and Butch found himself out of a job.

But what I fear is lost on the casual fan is not only the tragic scale of this Dubious Moment, but the complexity of Butch Carter himself.  To illustrate, The Flagrancy contrasts the actions of Butch Carter against one of the most tragic of figures ever: Hamlet.

And Butch, if by chance you’re reading and take offence—I got yer 5 million duckets right here!

Dubious Raptor Moment #4

January 2006: Kobe's Big Night
Let's break this down Harper's Index style...

Number of points scored by Kobe Bryant on January 22nd, 2006: 81

Rank of Kobe's 81 points on list of greatest scoring games in NBA history: 2nd

Deserved rank of Kobe's game in list of Dubious Moments in Toronto Raptor history: 4

Points scored by remainder of LA Lakers team: 41

Number of points scored by Kobe in 2nd half of game: 55

Points scored by entire Toronto Raptors team in 2nd half: 41

Size of Toronto Raptor lead with 9 minutes remaining in the 3rd quarter: 18

Ratio of points scored by Kobe versus points scored by Raptors during key 12-minute stretch starting at 9 minutes left in 3rd quarter: 29 to 19

Size of Laker lead at end of game: 18

Defensive adjustments made by Raptors as Kobe began to dominate: 0

Number of lay-ups or dunks made by Kobe: 8

Additional baskets made from inside Raptors' key: 4

Number of fouls committed by Toronto Raptors: 27

Number of hard fouls committed by Toronto Raptors: 0

Player drafted by Raptors in 2004 in order to do the dirty work, make the team tougher & grittier, and give it a "hockey mentality:" Rafael Araujo

Minutes played by Rafael Araujo during game: 0

Possible hard fouls left on bench by Raptor coaching staff: 6

Offensive rebounds recorded by Raptors in 2nd half: 2

Offensive rebounds recorded by Raptors after Lakers took 18-point lead: 2

Words used by ESPN.com, in order, to describe Raptor performance as Kobe took over: Rattled, Distracted, Overwhelmed

Number of Raptors who appeared embarassed by Kobe's feat: 0

Rank of Charles Oakley on list of former Raptor players most Raptor fans wished played for Raptors on January 22nd, 2006: 1st

Rank of Alvin Robertson: 2nd

Number of days later that Raptor GM Rob Babcock was fired: 4

Dubious Raptor Moment #5

June 1995: Fans boo Damon Stoudamire pick
When David Stern selected Toronto as the location for the 1995 NBA Draft, the marketing-savvy Commissioner must have had second thoughts.  After all, how could an obsequiously polite north of the border crowd possibly measure up to the entertaining Bronx cheers of Draft Day in New York?  Not a problem.  On June 28, Canadian fans bravely stepped up to the challenge, and proved that we too could be every bit as rude and ignorant as any grits-stained Yank.

When Isiah Thomas selected Damon Stoudamire with the expansion teams first-ever draft pick, the Toronto crowd erupted into an orgy of boos.   Devoted fans of a team that had yet to play a single game were outraged that the 5'10" University of Arizona guard was chosen over UCLA forward and NCAA Champion Ed O'Bannon.  Not since a multitude of Passover celebrants in an ancient Jerusalem courtyard pleaded for the selection of Barabbas, has a crowd been so vocally and unanimously off-the-mark.   Stoudamire would go on to average 19 points and 9.3 assists to win Rookie of the Year, and remains a starting NBA point guard.  Ed O'Bannon, on the other hand, averaged 5 points and 0.8 assists in the two years he remained employed in the NBA, and currently works as a Las Vegas-area car salesman. 

So how, you ask, can The Flagrancy so freely throw stones at the Raptor organization when we clearly live in a glass house?  Because this is the Raptors.  We all have blood on our hands.

Dubious Raptor Moment #6

June 2004: Raptors Draft Rafael Araujo
Really do we need to go over this one?

Yes.  Yes, we do.

I really need to exorcise this moment of stupendous dubiosity because it's not just about a colossally bad draft pick.  When you look back at all the decisions made that led up to this night when Raptor fans justifiably booed their heads off, you begin to realize just how dysfunctional this organization is (was? hope hope).

The seeds of the the Araujo pick were sown in the previous year when Lenny Wilkins was fired.  Dick Peddie decided that the Raptors needed a fiery defensive-minded coach and basically over-ruled GM Glen Grunwald to select Kevin O'Neill as the man for the job.  Grunwald ended up taking the fall for the debacle that was the 2003/2004 season and O'Neill went with him.

Given the opportunity to install his own basketball management team Peddie waited.  And waited.  And waited.  In the meantime all the other teams moved forward with their draft analysis and scouting.  Still Peddie wanted to make sure he got the right guy for the GM job and less than 3 weeks before the draft finally selected Rob Babcock...  the very same person that Raptor consultant Jack McCloskey had touted for the job nearly two months earlier.  At the same time, Peddie was not including Vince Carter in the decision-making after promising him to do so, thus alienating the team's star player and noted sucky-baby.

With no time to evaluate players Babcock is left to make a decision based on McCloskey's recommendation.  That recommendation is Utah centre Rafael Araujo, despite the fact that Araujo was rated about 10 to 12 picks below the Raptors spot at #8.  But Araujo was the pick.  The fans showed no mercy.  I should know as I was there on the ACC floor that night and just moments after the pick Chuck Swirsky walked by me and gave me the quote that proved he has a soul.

"That was a biiiiiig reach."

But it wasn't over there.  Babcock was about to make his first ever address to the Raptor public.  Upon taking the stage to a landslide of seething hate, the first word out of Babcock's wincing mouth was "okay."  It was priceless.  Within three weeks of being hired, everyone knew this guy wasn't going to last to the end of his contract.  Babcock then went on to mis-pronounce Araujo's name and attempted to sell his "hockey mentality."  Big mistake, Babcock's exit from the stage resembled the fall of Saigon.

Raptor management's PR campaign began in earnest later that night when it was explained that despite the team's dire need of a point guard (a dire need that began the day Damon Stoudamire was traded), that the market for decent big men was so cost-prohibitive, as evidenced by the ridiculous Adonal Foyle contract,  that it was better to reach for decent big man and spend free agent dollars on a point guard who I guess we should have supposed were a dime a fucking dozen.

Therefore this line of decision-making not only led to the team to draft Araujo but to hand a 5-year contract to Rafer Alston, a passionate player but never the smartest and one who had never been a starter in the NBA.  Within 2 months of becoming Coach Sam Mitchell's whipping boy Alston was openly contemplating retirement.  This in turn led to the Alston trade for Mike James, who used all of last season as a personal showcase for a free agent contract anywhere but in Toronto.  Accordingly, the new Raptor management let him walk away.

Oddly enough, the player who experienced the exact opposite draft night was Jameer Nelson, an expected lottery pick who dropped down to #20.  The Orlando Magic wisely traded for this pick to select him and are now quite set at the point guard position for the next few years.

The best part out of all of this?  Nelson, 6-foot-0, has more career rebounds than Araujo, 6-foot-10.  Everybody, where-ever you may be, please stand and give a nice, long, slow, sarcastic clap for the Raptors for providing the perfect example of how a franchise should not be run.  Mr. Colangelo, I hope you're reading.

Dubious Raptor Moment #7

April 2002: Chris Childs forgets score during playoff game
There are certain skills that are simply taken for granted with professional basketball players.  Be it the ability to run, to pass, or to properly conceal a firearm—some qualities are just expected to be included in any NBA base model.  However, there is one skill which is often overlooked and always underappreciated: the ability to quickly and accurately calculate the difference between two numbers.  Glen Grunwald made this fatal mistake when he miscalculated the arithmetic competence of one Chris Childs.  The GM chose not to test Childs with flash-cards or multiplication tables when he drafted the gritty point guard, and the team paid a terrible price.

In case you forgot, the Raptors miraculous late season rally of 2002 came to a screeching halt in a Game 5 playoff game against the heavily-favoured Pistons in Detroit.  Down 85-82 with seconds left on the clock and possession of the ball, Childs mistakenly thought his team was down by 4 points, instead of 3.  He immediately sprinted past half-court and attempted to draw a foul on an off-balance 3-point shot, rather than passing to a wide-open Delly Curry.  The Raptors subsequently lost the series, and Grunwald subsequently forgot to sign resign Childs.

So in the spirit of education, The Flagrancy presents a short calculation designed to test your knowledge of both mathematics, and of Chris Childs.

30(a)-25(b)-3(c)-2(d)=0(e)

(a) Thousands of dollars worth of jewelry stolen from Childs outside of a P-Diddy-owned NYC club in 2002
(b) Number of pounds overweight Childs reported to camp in New Jersey, before being waived
(c) Years Childs spent drinking playing with the CBA’s Quad City Thunder
(d) Number of games Childs was suspended for sucker-punching Kobe Bryant
(e) Number of Raptor playoff games since Childs fucked up the score

Dubious Raptor Moment #8

October 1999: Master P auditions for Raptors
Pity poor Cezary Trybanski.  He only made $1500 a week futilely trying out for the Raptors this October.    I'm not sure how the franchise can live with themselves knowing that they put this poor hard-working Polish immigrant out on the street.  But there was once a time when the Raptors had integrity, in order to avoid the blow to their collective conscience they only allowed multi-millionaires to try-out for the team.  That way, the franchise knew that when the player got cut he was still going to end up okay.

At least that's the only assumption I can make for the Raptors adding Percy Miller, a.k.a. Master P, to their preseason roster.  At the time his basketball resume consisted of being an all-state Louisiana high school player and a brief stint on the roster of the Fort Wayne Fury.  So it must have been his $400 millon fortune that got him a tryout with the Raptors.  Oh yeah, he was also described as "an acquaintance of Raptor Coach Butch Carter."

I don't remember if Miller played with just a "P" on the back of his jersey but here is some commentary from his 1999 preseason efforts...

"...he often seemed overmatched against the best basketball players in the world..."

"...hit the side of the backboard on a driving layup..."

"[against Master P] Robert Pack scored nine of his 19 points in a 15-2 run -- including a 15-foot jumper as time expired -- to give Dallas the win."

"...two of his shots blocked on ill-advised one-on-one moves."

Needless to say, Master P's best preseason game came against the Vancouver Grizzlies.  So now as Master P fades into obscurity he can always tell his grandkids about the time he hit 2 3-pointers in Edmonton against the worst team the NBA had to offer.

I'm not sure what the Raptor franchise got out of giving Master P a chance other than to have the name of the franchise mentioned in every Master P bio on the web.  By attempting to cash in on Master P's fame, the franchise discredited themselves and made Raptor fans say "Ugh!"  Not coincidentally, Master P hasn't had a hit since and his business declared bankruptcy.  Thus it was a perfect lose-lose situation.

Dubious Raptor Moment #9

May 2001: Vince Carter attends graduation ceremony
Vince Carter's decision to attend his North Carolina commencement on the same day the Raptors played Game 7 in Philadelphia remains arguably the most divisive moment in team history.  Since both sides felt so strongly about Carter’s polarizing choice, we have decided to present both points of view.  Carter himself will first defend his controversial decision, followed by a counter-argument from former teammate, Charles Oakley.

I Am an NBA Role Model
Point by Vince Carter
May 20th, 2001 was one of the proudest days of my life.  Not only was I playing in the NBA playoffs, but I fulfilled an important promise that I made to my mother years ago: to graduate from college.  My decision to attend the ceremony and wear my Carolina blues one last time allowed me to not only celebrate this achievement, but it also allowed me to do something even more special—be a strong role model.  See, it is important for NBA players to ensure that young people understand the value of education, and for the NBA itself to support academic institutions.  And if my decision made just one more child dream about going to college, well…that means more to me than any basketball game.

You Are a Fucking Pussy
Counterpoint by Charles Oakley

Are you fuckin’ with me you ankle-grabbin’ scrote-throater?  And here I thought the 5 years since that game would have wised up your faggity-ass to your mistake.  For one, this is the NBA, not mothafuckin’ Reach For The Top—The League is about makin’ goddamn benjamins, not learnin’ dumb-ass kids.  Take that last rule uppin’ the age of players getting drafted—you actually think that’s to help schools?  Give that crotch-divin’ head of yours a shake!  That’s to keep peckerwood GMs from blowin’ their wads on young bitches who don’t have the grissel to play in a man’s league.  Bitches like you.  But fo shiggity, Oak will give you props for going back south and getting that degree, but struttin’ yo’ jigglywack ass across the stage?  That shit was straight-up Hollywood!  And what kind of role model you think you were that day, son?  What those goddamn silver spoons needed to have rammed through their earholes was to get off their gravy-catchin’ asses and get a mothafuckin’ job.  And you?  You actually had a job, and decided to skip work on the most important day for the company. Nice fuckin’ role model.

That’s why when Oak gave the keynote address at Virginia Union last year, I didn’t just go off flippin’ at the jibs, I served my shit straight: “The world is filled with pussies and liars, and right now, you’re probably one of them.  But you have a choice: you can go through life easily, swayin’ with your weak-ass backbone and values, or, you can look life in straight in the grill, and let it know that it can come at you anytime…and it may even knock you down…but not before it gets its mothafuckin’ ass fanned out first.”

Dubious Raptor Moment #10

November 1997: Isiah Jumps Ship
Now, I know what you're thinking: we should be praising Allah for Isiah's departure from Raptor management.  But it's not about the fact that Isiah left, it was all the sordid shenanigans behind the scenes that led up to Isiah's departure. Really, this dubious moment is actually a string of dubious moments that continues to haunt the franchise to this very day.

A quick history of Raptor ownership...
Through the tenacious lobbying of Larry Tanenbaum the NBA decides to award franchise to city of Toronto.  Incredibly Tanenbaum does not win bid to franchise.  Instead, franchise given to partnership of John Bitove (basketball nut) and Allen Slaight (stupendously unhip white guy).  The franchise was given to this group based on plans for new arena at Bay & Dundas within three years.  Isiah Thomas is cut in for 9% ownership when hired as GM.

One year later Slaight forces Bitove out bringing in Richard Peddie as team president, gawdammit.  The ownership group realizes Bay & Dundas lot is too small, buys Canada Post building.

Isiah declares he is pursuing controlling ownership of franchise.  Actual financing is found to be lacking but that doesn't stop local media from anointing him the next owner.

The possible partnership with Leafs falls through but Slaight continues proceeding with Air Canada Centre plans.  Thomas cannot afford to finance his piece of the arena but continues to claim he will buy franchise.  Actual financing is still lacking.  Media claims Slaight keeps raising the price.  Media also totally on Isiah's dick.

In August 1997, Isiah and Slaight finally announce that Isiah will not be buying the team.  In retrospect probably the greatest moment in franchise history.  During press conference Isiah claims, ""I'm firmly committed to staying here, I'm firmly committed to taking this team to a championship."

Within three months Isiah is pursuing a job at NBC.  Not only could he not buy the team, he couldn't finance his 9% of the ACC.

Slaight leaks Isiah's NBC negotiations to Doug Smith at the Star to basically force Isiah out.  As they part both Isiah and Slaight engage in some name-calling.  Isiah claims that no arena should have been built and the money instead should have been funnelled into player salaries.  This coming from a guy that gave Vincenzo Esposito half a million bucks and who cut Chris Whitney in order to keep BJ Tyler's salary on the books for 6 years.  It took rest of world almost ten more years to realize that Isiah has no idea that an actual salary cap exists.

In the post-mortem of Isiah's departure, Dave Perkins writes loving ode to Isiah in which he claims that the Leafs were never going to play in the ACC and that the Raptors would be hard-pressed to survive in Toronto. Wrong and wrong.

Finally, in February 1998 Maple Leafs Sports Entertainment buys the Raptors.  Peddie remains on board, gawdammit.

Dubious Raptor Moment #11

November 1995: BJ Tyler retires after ice pack injury
The best part about this list is that the higher it goes, the easier it gets to write.  And with BJ Tyler, this shit writes itself.

“He’s a north-south burner who can really get up and down the court...I think he’s matured and learned about working hard to prepare for a game.”
- Brendan Malone, on BJ Tyler

Once upon a time, there was a lightening quick point guard named BJ Tyler.  The Toronto Raptors selected Tyler in the expansion draft, and signed the ex-Sixer to a 5-year $6M contract to be the teams backup point guard—an insurance policy if something should happen to Damon Stoudamire.  But come one fateful day in a Raptor trainers room, Isiah Thomas would be the one left scrambling to find an insurance policy for BJ Tyler. 

See, the north-south burner was preparing so hard for a game (and no doubt the upcoming Canadian winter) that he decided to cool-down using an ice pack.  Only problem was that Tyler fell asleep, and the ice pack froze his ankle—causing permanent nerve damage.  The Raptors were then forced to begin their inaugural season without a backup point guard (no offence Vinnie), and BJ Tyler was forced to retire.

The following season, the Raptor training staff introduced the 'Meatlocker Rule' as a preventative measure.  Whenever a player began to yawn and nod off, they were teabagged by Chuck Mooney.

 

Dubious Raptor Moment #12

October 2005: Toronto Raptors 103 Maccabi Tel Aviv 105
Embarassing is...

Playing on your home court with 15,000 people cheering for the other team.

Being the first NBA team to lose to a European club team in 27 years.

Losing despite playing your starters for most of the game.

Not seeming to care when your ass got beat: "They played this game like it was their championship game." -- Jalen Rose

Having your interior defense summed up by this statement: "Maccabi looked better in the 3rd quarter with Maceo Baston, Nikola Vujcic, and Yaniv Green doing whatever they wanted under their opponents' rim." -- 24sec.net

Getting beat with the Boss of Bosses in attendance: "The consular general for Israel in Toronto slapped hands and joined the team in the celebration as NBA commissioner David Stern hurriedly walked off the court." -- ESPN.com

I should know, I was there that miserable October afternoon.  I was one of the few wearing Raptor gear and by the end I was hoping one of the Maccabi fans would lend me their flags so I could cover up my shame and pretend that I cheered for a champion.

And no, the 76ers losing in Barcelona doesn't make the Raptors loss less embarassing in retrospect.  This was a game in Toronto, played by NBA rules with NBA refs.  It was Maccabi who was barnstorming across North America and playing in a different time zone.  In a close game the Raptors folded like cheap tents, which pretty much foretold the fact that the Raptors were the worst close game team in the NBA last season.  The only thing that could have been worse was Nate Huffman making a surprise return for Maccabi and dominating in a Maceo Baston-like fashion.

Oh wait, it CAN get worse.