Una Semana de la Motivación

Ever since I, Uno of Los Ballers Azul The Greatest Masked Mexican Basketballers of All-Time, have started writing el blog in support of Los Raptors, our sworn enemy El Diablo Blanco has kept quiet.  I think he fears Los Ballers Azul.  This week he tried to get on our good side by writing about Él que paró.  It was a cheap journalistic trick.  Bah, many have written bad things about Él que paró before and many will write bad things about Él que paró til eternity.  It does not take a fancy job at a "legitimate news source" to do that.  El Diablo Blanco I know you are our there lurking waiting for another Raptor to tear down.  Perhaps La Flor Jalen Rose will be next, or maybe you'll make fun of El Carnicero again.  Los Ballers Azul will be ready El Diablo Blanco.  We are always aware of the traitors on our midst.

Speaking of traitors Los Ballers Azul have noticed Los Raptors seem to play best against those that have betrayed them.  A victory over El Zo, a victory over Él que paró and a victory over John Thomas.  While El Pene John Thomas did not actually betray Los Raptors I bring him up as a motivational tool sometimes while dominating La Liga Estupenda back home in Mexico Los Ballers Azul would get bored winning all the time but El Amo would use such motivational ideas to help us keep our fire for the game.  One time El Amo told Dos that all of the players on Los Burros Poderosos had sex with his mother the night before.  He may have had to serve a 20-game suspension for ripping the arm off of an opponent but his intensity helped the rest of the team to handily defest Los Burros on that night.

So in El Blog this week I will not only use my typical intimidation tactics on the opponents of Los Raptors but I will also include some motivation for Los Leones Jóvenes.  Coach Mitchell, I allow you to use these motivations as well.  They might particularly help during halftime instead of the usual nap time you give the team.  If Coach Mitchell is uncomfortable using our material then Los Ballers Azul is always available to come into the dressing room and address the team ourselves.  It would be an honour.  Maybe we should get some courtside seats too so that we can cheer during the game.  After all El Diablo Blanco is always sitting right next to the court.  We will gladly take his spot and if he wants to write bad things about Los Raptors he can go sit in the Sprite Zone where his flesh can be torn by the true crazy Raptor fans.

Tonight Los Raptors face Los Gatos de Bob of Charlotte the team of the hated Kareem Rush!  Why do Los Raptors hate Kareem Rush?  Because every time they see him they are reminded of El Perezoso Chris Jefferies!  With that motivation Los Gatos de Bob had better be prepared for a sound thrashing.  I suspect that El Calvo Charlie Villanueva will dominate the court as he will be matched up against El Tubbo Sean May.  It is a good thing you have a fat ass El Tubbo as you will find yourself landing on it many times as dunks fly down upon you.  You will provide good cushioning for Emeka Okafor when he falls down right after you.  Okafor will say, "Even more comfortable than a bean bag chair this El Tubbo is!"

Los Raptors get some much needed rest as they do not play until Wednesday when they meet Los Toros.  I hope the city of Toronto will survive during that time off as Los Raptors will surely be barely containing their rage at another betrayer.  Yes, I speak of Chris Duhon!  Like a sissy girl who kisses another boy just to get attention from her boyfriend is this Duhon.  Tal embromar!  Such a tease!  Los Ballers Azul truly did have Los Balls Azul when Duhon went back to Chicago.  He is not a man.  I speak directly to you muchacha Duhon -- Did not Senor Babcock "demuéstrele el dinero?"  It was not El Reinsdorf who did.  No!  If you were el hombre verdadero you would have refused El Reinsdorf to show you loyalty to those to believed in you.  Bah!  How can you be a tri-captain of Los Toros?  Why should anybody follow your treacherous ways?  You are not a leader (or is that tri-leader?).  You will just go wherever somebody pulls out their wallets.  Many times Los Ballers Azul were offered cash and whores to join other teams but we spit on their offers since money cannot buy you basketall greatness and we already had many women begging at our feet.  And now who is El Puta, Senorita Duhon?

The rest of Los Toros will be treated like whores as well.  Unspeakable acts will be committed against them.  Orifices will be violated on this night I can assure you.  There will also be a few slaps and some beatings and perhaps Los Raptors will make Los Toros call them daddy.  Senor Swirsky might have a heart attack while calling the game.  I suspect Jack Armstrong will enjoy it.

I now turn my attention to Golden State and another Los Raptors target...  um...  ahh...  Andris Biedrins!  Bah!  He is from Latvia!  Los Raptors hate Latvians!

No, that's not going to work.  How about Adonal Foyle?  Yes, Los Raptors hate Adonal Foyle and his big bloated contract that every journeyman player aspires to, like winning the lottery.  Bah, that is not going to work either.

Wait, I just heard this from a friend of mine: All of the Golden State Warriors fucked the mother of El Magnifico Chris Bosh!  Revenge su madre El Magnifico!  Destroy them!  Foul hard every time Jason Richardson drives.  Swat away Troy Murphy's weak post moves.  Punch Baron Davis right in the gut when no referee is looking.  Summon the spirit of Oakley on this night!

Weekly Notes:

• If Los Toros' lawyers are planning on sending another letter, please use a spell-checker this time.
• Little did we know that the Raptors were promoting Kevin O'Neill night against the Grizzlies.
• A good reason not to employ a 6 foot 7 "point guard" is that sometimes their feet are too big.
• How big are Chris Paul's feet anyway?  And the Hornets are paying him how much?
• Don't worry Hawks fans, Marvin Williams' 2 points almost got them a victory.
• La Flor certainly took advantage of being back in the starting line-up by shooting 2 for 8 against Los Nets.
• Él que paró may not have been decapitated as predicted but at least he was de-ankle-inized.
• I think La Flor is better coming off the bench.  He improved to 2 for 7 against Los Wiz.
• What hurts more, Gilbert Arenas scoring 37 or Brendan Haywood scoring 8?
• In a battle of big stars El Magnifico and Kobe tried to out-assist each other.
• Am I the only one who was disappointed that during Luke Walton's post-game interview that he didn't say the words "terrible" or "horrible?"

Comments

[English speaking fan]

I didn't understand 2 freakin' sentences with your style of writing. Please either stick to Spanish or English.. Leave the Spanglish for Adam Sandler.

[Uno of Los Ballers Azul, The Greatest Masked Mexican Basketballers of All-Time]

Which two sentences didn't you understand? I can translate them for you personally, if needed.