Heck, if Marty Burns can do it, so can we. B-Huge of The Flagrancy and Uno & Dos of Los Ballers Azul, The Greatest Masked Mexican Basketballers of All-Time, debate who would be deserving of the corporate sponsored NBA awards should the season end today.
Defensive Player of the Year
B-Huge: Yeah, Bruce Bowen is great and all-that but I'm of the belief that if he played for any other team he'd stink. I call it the Michael Curry effect. Curry had a nice role as a defensive specialist on a very good Pistons team but as soon as he ended up in Toronto his deficiencies were exposed. Besides, I think Bowen is a dirty weasel. That's why my pick is <sigh> Marcus Camby. Yes, it hurts to pick him but the guy is a game-changer with both his rebounding and shot-blocking while also putting in almost 16 ppg. I like guys that can hurt you at both ends of the court and that's why guys like Bowen or Ben Wallace are successful in a system but I believe Camby now has the requisite game to be able to do it anywhere.
Uno: Bah! Camby is a noodle-thin stick of glass! My pick is a big strong guy who punishes the competition every time down the court -- Rafael Araujo. El Carnicero scares all his opponents with his massive biceps and lumbering gait. As proof of Araujo's defensive prowess, Kobe Bryant failed to score any point on Araujo during his historic game!
Dos: If pick Raptor then me pick Charles Oakley. Los Raptors have no good defensive player since Oak go. If he still play for Los Raptors then me think Kobe missing head right now.
Most Improved Player
B-Huge: I don't like to reward players who's numbers rise just because they are getting more minutes than usual but I never thought Mehmet Okur would ever be a "go-to" player for an NBA team. Okur's per game stats have gone up across the board -- 5 more points, 2 more rebounds, almost 1 assist and half a block. More impressive is that he does it while maintaining a double-chin and a world-class uni-brow. He would have fit right in on those Bucks teams from the mid-80s.
Uno: Okur is just some dirty Turk who separates from his defender by means of his body odour! There are many great players to consider for this award such as El Mo Morris Peterson or El Magnifico Chris Bosh but I must settle on El Bombardero Enojado Mike James. In the simplest of terms, last year El Bombardero was a no good Houston Rocket bum, this year he is a Raptor. That alone shows he is greatly improved. But beyond that he now dominates games when the Raptors need him most and he's deadly from beyond the 3-point line. I know some people complain that when El Bombardero starts to control the game Chris Bosh gets lost in the mix, but that's precisely why El Bombardero is scoring! In crunch time, the opposing team focuses on El Magnifico which leaves El Bombardero one-on-one. Take to the hole, El Bombardero!
Dos: Anybody vote for Darko? HA HA HA! Hmmm... maybe me vote for Milt Palacio. He learn to make lay-up this year.
Best 6th Man
B-Huge: They should call this award "The Best Crappy Guy Award" or "The One-Dimensional Difference-Maker Award." So yes, I have sooo much respect for this award. Heck, let's give it to Mike Miller just to reward someone on the least talked about good team in the NBA this year.
Uno: Senor B-Huge, I must disagree. There is only one player I can consider for this award. Mainly because the Raptors only have one 6th man -- Senor Jose Calderon! I would also select Matt Bonner for 7th man and Joey Graham as 8th man.
Dos: Me like Earl Boykins. Midgets make me laugh. HA HA HA.
Coach of The Year
B-Huge: The jobs put in by Flip Saunders, Mike D'Antoni and Mike Fratello have been commendable there has been one coach that has been totally overlooked -- Avery Johnson. The Dallas Mavericks let Mike Finley go and got nothing out of that trade for Doug Christie yet they have been neck-and-neck with the Spurs all season long. Johnson has somehow made DaSagana Diop into a useful player plus, for the first time ever, the Mavs are playing defense! I also want to give a shout-out to the guy who's making my prediction of Dallas being the sleeper powerhouse team a reality.
Uno: El Poco General? No team coached by Avery Johnson will win an NBA Championship. Have I heard that somewhere before? No matter, as it is a proven fact that teeny tiny coaches are no good. Please see Kevin O'Neill. Hmmm, this was a difficult decision for me. I narrowed my list down to five: Sam Mitchell, Jim Todd, Alex English, Jay Triano and Gene Keady. Although all have done an excellent job I must give this award to Gene Keady. The reason is simple. Before Gene Keady the Raptors were 3-17. Since Gene Keady joined the staff the Raptors are 17-16.
Dos: Me pick coaching genius Pat Riley. Only coach smart enough to only coach team with Shaq on it. HA HA HA.
B-Huge: While we're at it let's use this moment to point out all the fraud coaches we have in the league. That list starts with Larry Brown whose season in New York has been a disaster thus far (Knicks fans would kill for Lenny's 17-22 record right now) and making matters worse is just how dominant the Pistons have been without him. If the Pistons cruise their way to the championship this year Flip Saunders automatically enters the Pantheon of coaches who can get a team "over the hump." Of course also in that pantheon is Phil Jackson who this year is making a case for entering the Pantheon of coaches who might never get you to the hump. We'll also take this moment to point out that Doc Rivers is a former Coach of The Year winner. Somebody at the league office should investigate whether that award can be rescinded. Finally, Avery Johnson once again gets my love for showing the world just how one-dimensional Don Nelson was as a coach. Go get 'em Chris Mullin!
Rookie of the Year
B-Huge: Chris Paul, hands down. No explanation needed so I'll point out that Andrew Bogut expressed surprise when Paul wasn't considered his competition for the #1 spot in last year's draft. This proves that Bogut is already GM material for many NBA franchises. Special kudos go out to the Utah Jazz who traded up NOT to pick Paul.
Uno: Senor B-Huge, your arguments are as weak as Shaq's foul-shooting technique. If this debate was a fight you'd be dismembered by now. All you'd have is a head. B-Head they'd call you. I must ask you for reason why you'd pick some ordinary player like Chris Paul. He's averaging almost 36 minutes per game! Anybody can put up his numbers with that many minutes. See Cuttino Mobley, Caron Butler or Paul's teammate David West for further evidence. No, the greatest rookie this year has been El Calvo Charlie Villanueva and not just because he can speak Spanish. El Calvo only plays about half the game and he still has many excellent statistics like 12 ppg, 5 rpg and 0 eye-brows.
Dos: Me like Johan Petro. Him player after Dos own heart. He average 9.1 fouls per 48 minutes. Whoever say French man is wimpy?
Executive of The Year
B-Huge: I actually sent an email to the NBA league offices asking for the eligibility rules for this award. They ignored me so all I know is that the award is selected by a vote of the league GM's. Hopefully these guys get together and vote en masse for former Atlanta managing partner Steve Belkin. Seriously. The other GMs in the league would be doing themselves a favour by rewarding a guy who was against giving up two first round picks, a player of similar talents and $70 million for the 4th best guy on another team just to keep the market reasonable for the large number of players better than Joe Johnson. Look at any other roster in the NBA and ask yourself whether you'd give up that much for the 4th best player on any other NBA team. Tayshaun Prince is probably the 4th best player on the Pistons and they only gave him about $50 million. Atlanta paid an extra $20 million for a point guard who can't play point guard which caused them not to draft the best point guard coming out of college in 20 years. Belkin was willing to go to court to stop this madness. The Raptors may have been the joke of November but at least they've beaten Atlanta three times since. This debacle all could have been avoided had the remainder of the front office in Atlanta realized that Belkin was smarter than all of them combined. Belkin may not need the job but the Raptors should be begging him to come run their team.
Uno: Senor B-Huge, we finally agree on something: the winner of this award is no longer employed in the NBA for I select Senor Rob Babcock as the NBA Executive of the Year. While I, Uno of Los Ballers Azul -- The Greatest Masked Mexican Basketballers of All-Time, usually respect a man who's tough and full of testosterone I respect a man of wisdom just as much. Senor Babcock may have had a rocky start in Toronto but you cannot argue with his judgement lately. It is a wise man who learns from his mistakes. Despite the fact that Los Raptors haven't been the most successful franchise this year, if La Flor Jalen Rose put more than a 50% effort out there I think this team wins many more games this year. Senor Babcock picked up 3 fine rookies and 2 promising Europeans are waiting in the wings. He corrected the Rafer Alston mistake from last year while giving the Raptors salary cap flexibility at the same time. And with the trade deadline looming the Raptors still have many useful players to trade to contending teams without giving up their future. Now some fancy-pants like Kiki Vanderweghe gets to come in and look like a genius! Bah!
Dos: You no like Elgin Baylor? He need lifetime achievement award for being bitch of Donald Sterling so many years. It make me sad not to see him at Draft Lottery this year.
Most Valuable Player
B-Huge: If the Lakers do not make the playoffs then I sincerely hope that Kobe Bryant wins the MVP this year. Not because he really deserves the honour but just so David Stern has the chance to hand the trophy to Kobe and say, "Here is what you've always wanted. Excuse me while I go attend Detroit's championship parade." There has been a media push to recognize Chauncey Billups but Detroit is truly a team and all of their starting five are deserving of the honour. Dirk Nowitski, LeBron James and Elton Brand are all also deserving of the honour but I think this race comes down to two players: Chris Paul and Steve Nash. After trading Magloire I thought that the Hornets were D-U-N-N done but Paul has carried them to a better than.500 record in the West. Think about this: the second best player on the Lakers is Lamar Odom (good enough to be on the US Olympic Squad), the second best player on the Hornets is David West (previously averaged 6 ppg). The Lakers are 3 games behind the Hornets in the standings. The case for Nash is just as good as Phoenix has been one of the toughest teams in the league all year even after they gutted their roster and have yet to play a single game with Amare Stoudamire. Part of me wants Nash to win it just so we can stuff it in Bill Simmons face when he said that Nash wasn't even the Suns MVP last year but right now I think Paul has the edge because you can argue that Nash's success is owed to the system employed by the Phoenix coaching staff.
Uno: Chris Paul? Steve Nash? Why choose wimpy little guards for MVP? In La Super Ligua de Mexico only real man can win MVP and only one real man in the NBA this year, El Magnifico Chris Bosh. El Magnifico carries not only team on his mighty shoulders but also the franchise and the entire fan base. Would Raptor fans be this patient without El Magnifico's brilliant season (and even better future) on the team? In fact I believe that El Magnifico could carry this entire world on his back if so asked. All he needs is something to stand on. Maybe Kobe's ego.
Dos: Where Atlanta be without Joe Johnson? Around .500 HA HA HA!