August 2000: McGreedy McGone
The traid has finaly gone thru... whew! It wuz a tuff year having to preetend that Toronoto had a chanse to sign me when they wur never really an opshun. It wuz hard deeling with all those fans who went out of their way to show me their love and encooraj me to stay. I could barely look them in the eye. ha ha ha, it's always tuff for me to look peeple in the eye. ha ha ha.
But no matter how much mony or love they can throw at me it duznt make up for the chanse to be "da man." Yes, I will be "da man" in Orlando. I wont be in Vince's shado no more. Heck, with $20 million dollars tide up in my money and Grant Hill money Orlando cant aford to have nobody else to be "da man."
I know what your thinking Diary, why would I be "da man" when the team also has Grant Hill? Well, uh, I dont really know but we should be a real good team. He can pass me the ball and then I can dunk it. That will make me "da man." Anyway, Grant is coming off some surjury so I get the chanse to be "da man" and then when Grant gets back in to playing shape (I guess by mid-season) I will alredy be "da man."
Yes, I'll be "da man." And with a major market like Orlando I'll have tons of money coming my way from commershals and shit. Like me and Mickey Mouse in a cartoon or sumptin. There is no way this can go rong. And so what if it does? I can just get my coach fired, bitch out my teemates, and force a trade where Orlando gets 50 cents on the dollar. That's the backup plan I've got. Got to remind myself to thank my cuz for it.