You may have been wondering where I, Uno of Los Ballers Azul -- The Greatest Masked Mexican Basketballers of All-Time, have been for the past couple of weeks while Los Raptors were enjoying their best streak of winning in many years. I must admit my heart was torn to not be providing you loyal fans with my musings in el blog but I have a higher calling than even Los Raptors. When Najera calls, you must answer...
Si, I am giving back to mi México querido by helping recruit players for the national team. After St.Eduardo and Earl La Perla join, I fully expect to be named head coach. I can't wait to match wits with Leo Rautins on the court of battle. He may have better hair but I am much smarter and more handsome. I love my adopted home country of Canada I will honour you by showing mercy and only allowing a 30-point victory for Mexico.
Another reason for my silence was purely a superstitious one. After my post about certain victory over Los Pistons (Strangely, Los Raptors lost even though they clearly are a better team) Los Raptors went on their streak. I decided that if I posted I might jinx the team. My silence would help Los Raptors for once. Even after El Oculto Steve Javie rigged Sunday's game... the horrific nightmare of a game... against Los Raptors I kept my silence in hopes that Los Raptors would find their way on their own. Now after another loss and another nay-saying column by El Diablo Blanco I must free my voice.
I'll start with you El Diablo Blanco. You blame over-impassioned play of Los Raptors for costing them the game versus Los Nets and Él que paró. It was this passion that made the game what it was -- a classic (despite the horrible, eye-gouging ending). For many years El Diablo Blanco hounded Él que paró for his lackadaisical play and finally when Los Raptors play with their heart on their sleeves they are scolded for their passion. You cannot have it both ways El Diablo Blanco. Back home in Mexico we have an old saying: Either you suck or you don't suck. I must say El Diablo that you suck indeed. Do not kid yourself. Perhaps you will bring your emotion-controlling game on my court and challenge Los Ballers Azul. Los Ballers would first knock you over with our passion and perhaps bloody you nose with our emotion. Then we shall casually make easy lay-ups over your fallen body.
Si, El Diablo Blanco, Los Ballers are challenging you to a game. Bring your friend Bruce Arthur who believes that losing would be better for Los Raptors. Los Ballers will show you how much better losing is. You'll wet your little short pants over how much you'll lose to Los Ballers Azul. Los Raptors play to win! That's why the games are played!
Enough with these pitiful so-called writers, we should be focussing on Los Raptors' next victims: Los Gatos de Bob. As we saw in Los Raptors previous victory over Los Gatos de Bob no one can guard El Magnifico Chris Bosh. That is unless El Tubbo Sean May's ass has grown large enough to obscure the entire backboard and rim. Hey, El Tubbo, the NBA is much harder than the NCAA where your gigantic ass can knock all those little school-boys over. Take your 40% shooting lard-ass back to UNC. The NBA is full of men (and Kwame Brown) not lanky teenagers worrying about their sociology papers.
Los Gatos have a very balanced offence. It another way of saying that all Los Gatos suck equally. Gerald Wallace only scores 13.7 points a game. Senor Mike James scores that many before he wakes up in the morning. Primo Brezec may lead NBA in field-goal percentage but he also leads league in awkward whiteness. His gawky arms will be ripped off by El Carnicera to be used as timeout giveaway by Raptor Dance Pack. I hope they throw them into my section.
Time to go everyone. I promise not be be gone long as Dos has been working many nights on his material for Sunday's game against Los Knicks.
- Funny, how no one has yet mentioned that Los Raptors seem to have gotten much better since Gene Keady joined the coaching staff.
- 25 points and 10 rebounds for El Calvo Charlie Villanueva. Raptors fans, still want to draft Danny Granger now (6 points, 3 rebounds)?
- I sure hope Jameer Nelson isn't telling his kids about how he torched the Raptors for 31 points. He made 28 of those points after the Raptors were up by 19.
- If the El Carnicera that showed up for the Orlando game shows up every night Raptor fans will be dancing in the streets.
- Oh Rafer, did Coach Van Gundy write up that well-prepared game plan to have Mike James scorch your dumb ass?
- I don't think I can remember a more heart-breaking regular season loss that the one versus Los Nets. My God, even Lamond Murray had 12 points. That stings!