All it takes is 24 hours mis amigos. On Monday morning many fans of Los Raptors include myself, Uno of Los Ballers Azul -- The Greatest Mexican Masked Basketballers of All-Time, were on the verge of desperation after the severe defeat to the Los Sies-ers. Now we are all rejoicing after Los Raptors rebounded to vanquish El Magic! Ha ha! Take that El Franchise!
I have a trick for you to show your friends at home. Here is how you make your own Steve Francis impression:
1. Dribble a basketball for 23 seconds.
2. Hoist shot.
3. Look around at everybody else and blame them.
Ha ha! Los Raptors were impressive to watch on Monday night even without El Calvo Charlie Villanueva and Senor Jose. La Flor Jalen Rose finally provided his clutch scoring and, of course, you cannot forget the contributions of El Mo -- two veterans leading the way. Also, for those of you who think El Cohete Rojo Matt Bonner can do nothing but shoot I tell you to look at his line on this night. Only 1 for 8 but he made two key defensive rebounds down the stretch to keep the Raptors in the game.
Los Ballers Azul know the value of teamwork as well. In that spirit I turn el blog over to my good friend and valued teammate Dos for this week's predictions.
Yes, me Dos here. Gracias. Buenos dias. Many times me believe that Chinese people are mucho wise. Have many secrets like Calgon and Chicken Balls. Yao Ming prove me right. Yao Ming pretend he have injury this week so he no have to play against El Magnifico Chris Bosh. Instead Dikembe Mutombo, Ryan Bowen and Juwan Howard must defend against El Magnifico. Mutombo old! Bowen awkward like drunken village goat! Juwan crappy! El Magnifico score many dunks. HA HA HA! Rockets front-line resemble broken down fence. It get in way but young dogs can easily jump over.
Stromile Swift can jump high. Stromile Swift can run fast. Stromile Swift can almost tie own shoes. Maybe next year he get potty-trained too. HA HA HA!
Me keep hate for Tracy McGrady last. He think he so good. Even Él que paro win a playoff series in career and me hate Él que paro! RAAAAWR! Me hate both. Me feel better when El Ojo Perezoso gives up trying to score because El Mo provide lock-down defense. Me predict by end of first quarter McGrady ask to be traded to another team because clearly he cannot win on this night either.
Me respect San Antonio, site of famous Mexican victory over stupid white men who wanted to perserve slavery. HA HA HA! Uno lend me history book! Remember the Alamo! Remember slaves! Los Raptors have many players who not like slavery so Los Raptors shall crush San Antonio. Perhaps even make whiny Tim Duncan cry. Oooo pooo pooo pooo me Tim Duncan, me greatest basketball player on Earth, me whine like baby at referee. Me forget that teammate is dirty El Weasel Bruce Bowen. When El Weasel cheat and not get called Whiny Baby Duncan forget to tell referee. How is this so?
Hot Latina woman Eva Longoria love Tony Parker. He not even African American! He African French! Eva need true stud Latino lover like Dos. Not estupido shi-shi Frenchman. Maybe Eva dump Tony Parker when she see manly Latinos on Los Raptors like El Calvo and Senor Jose. Then Tony Parker cry in his baguette. Me laugh mucho then. HA HA HA!!
Dos on roll now. One more before pass back to Uno.
San Antonio have many players from foreign countries -- Manu Ginobli and Fabricio Oberto from Argentina, Rasto Nesterovic and Beno Udrih from Slovenia, Sean Marks from New Zealand, Tony Parker from France, Tim Duncan from Virgin Baby Islands and Robert Horry from Alabama. HA HA HA! Official language of Alabama is pig squeals. HA HA HA!
Me give keyboard back to Uno now. Adios, mis amigos!
- Los Raptors can claim to be best of the horrible in NBA East by owning wins against New Jersey, Charlotte, Atlanta and Orlando. Look out Knicks!
- Raymond Felton played 13 minutes. Jose Calderon played 43. Senor Babcock, you are genius!
- Los Toros played about as terrible as a team could in the first half. They still scored 51 points. I guess Coach Keady's defensive schemes aren't in place just yet.
- Tyson Chandler's recent respiratory problems are due to the debris in his beard.
- Golden State shot 17 of 29 from 3-point land. That will never happen again. Ever.
- Golden State actually shot 17 of 26 when to throw out Mike Dunleavy's less than impressive 1 point, 1 assist, 0 rebound night.
- Andre Iguodala: 26 points, 6 consecutive dunks. And Jack McCloskey is somehow still employed by Los Raptors? Can we finally stop pinning the Araujo pick on Senor Babcock? If anything blame Pillsbury Peddie for taking his sweet ass time to hire a GM.
- Aaron Williams starts getting game time around the same time as the December 15th deadline frees up all the trade possibilities. Coincidence? Not according to Jack Armstrong.
- So far this season El Carnicero Rafael Araujo (6 foot 10) leads Jameer Nelson (6 foot when standing on a chair) in rebounding 64 to 58. Nelson still leads the overall career rebounding total 251 to 249.
- Baby blue turtleneck and a blazer -- Senor Jose will be on the cover of GQ soon.