By Los Ballers Azul
Hola mis amigos! Welcome to our blog. I am Uno and my large silent friend here is Dos. Together we are Los Ballers Azul, the greatest masked Mexican basketball players in the world!
In our home country we an reknowned throughout the land as heroes. We fight injustice in all its forms. We have been so successful in our struggle that we have needed to leave our native Mexico. While we love our homeland we know that our work there is done and Mexican basketball is safe from those that would seek to harm it. Now we turn our attention to the rest of the world where there is still plenty of evil against which to fight.
After reading many letters from our worldwide fans it became apparent that our powers were needed here in Toronto. There is one here we call El Diablo Blanco who is the source of much of this unfairness and injustice. El Diablo Blanco is not like our usual foes back in Mexico. No, it would be easy to dispatch his weak playground moves on the court with our vaunted chest passes, unerring set shots and lightning-quick jab steps. Unfortunately, the arena of battle is not the basketball court but the bloody fields of cyberspace! The challenge is not physical but we must counter El Diablo Blanco with our minds.
This will be no easy task. In our previous struggles we have always relied on our massive biceps and high-flying luche libre style but they are of no use to us in this situation. We must fight El Diablo Blanco on his ground. Only then will we be victorious over the one who calls himself Dave Feschuk. Luckily, the fine people here at The Flagrancy have given us a home base from which we can counter El Diablo Blanco and his clever ways. Muchos gracias, El Flagrancy!
Sadly Los Raptors have started the season with 5 straight losses. This however was not unexpected. Three of these five opponents made the playoffs last season (Washington, NJ, Detroit) and the other two are vastly improved (Cleveland, Utah). In the off-season Los Raptors have also made a commitment to re-building. They became much younger and as a consequence less experienced. Three rookies are seeing major playing time along with two second-year players. Still, Los Raps had a chance to win on opening night but due to a terrible indiscretion by the referees Los Raps were denied a victory. Some may argue that Jalen Rose pushed off but clearly this move is legal. Every Michael Jordan highlight package of the past 8 years has shown his Championship clinching shot against the Utah Jazz where he employed the same shove and shoot technique. If only Senor Bavetta had referee'd on opening night Los Raps would not be in this winless position.
There is no reason to dwell on past losses as El Diablo would have you believe. We have no use for his negativity! Losing is an important part of winning. Although we were blessed with advanced basketball skills early in our careers we suffered many defeats due to our inexperience. Tough times like this are the crucible in which your passion for winning is forged. A losing streak is just like the sleeper hold. Even though your arm my drop several times you are still given many chances to raise it back up again and all you need to do raise it up once and you're back in the fight. Soon after our early setbacks Los Ballers Azul went on to win many Mexican basketball league championship belts because we refused to lose. You'll see it happen here in Toronto mis amigos. Once Los Raptors taste sweet victory, they will never want to go hungry again! It will all start today against Seattle.
Seattle is weak up the middle and Rashard Lewis has an ailing shoulder. El Magnifico Chris Bosh shall have a tremendous game as he blows by their lead-footed defenders. Hack away all you want Danny Fortson! El Magnifico shall bury you with his eagle-eye foul shooting! This is just the start of a fine week in the new careers of Los Raptors.
Tuesday and Wednesday are Los Raps' home and home series with Philadelphia. Los Sixers shall not be spared and neither shall their fans. Not only have Philadelphians booed Santa Claus in the past but they also had the contempt to boo Los Ballers Azul! It was many years ago on one of our barnstorming tours of America but we shall never forget the humiliation. Los Sixers may have all-star talent with Chris Webber and Allen Iverson but they are old and broken down. We advise Los Leones Jóvenes -- Charlie Villanueva, Joey Graham, Jose Calderon -- to run wild! While it is important to respect your elders there are times when you must take their throats in your jaws and crush them as a lion would a lame water buffalo. Only then will you earn their respect. We suspect Rafael Araujo will taste the blood of Webber on these nights. I will ask him how it tastes to feast on the beloved of Philadelphia when he returns.
In the final game of the week Los Raps travel to Boston. Los Celtics are young like Los Raps. They have Paul Pierce, a crafty veteran, but El Boca Jalen Rose will counter him. These are two evenly matched teams. The difference will be the chip on Villanueva's shoulder. Time and again he will see Celtics rookie Gerald Green sitting at the end of the bench and Villanueva will remember how Senor Babcock was treated for picking Villanueva in the draft. El Calvo Villanueva shall play with anger in his heart which is good for anger stokes the fire of passion. Gerald Green will sit and cry for his mommy by the end of the night as El Calvo scores from all over the court and show those desk jockeys at ESPN what they know about basketball.
- Strangely Mo-Pete had his best game of the season so far on the road in Detroit. I guess he bought a bigger suitcase this year so he could fit his game into it. Maybe he got the ball bag Senor Babcock acquired in last year's Vince Carter trade.
- Milt Palacio was held to zero lay-up attempts. That's a case of poor scouting.
- You will note from our photo that Los Ballers Azul will be adhering to the NBA dress code except when shiny tights and flashy capes are absolutely needed.
- If Los Ballers Azul were running the team we would have offered that nice award to Donyell Marshall and then smashed it over his head. That would have been a better start to the game and perhaps given advantage to Los Raptors.
- Trivia question: What do Mehmet Okur, El Diablo Blanco and Bert all have in common? (HINT: It looks like a caterpillar that lives in the Mexican jungle.)